#i mean genuinely mad respect to noir but i think i said to one of my friends when i showed them this sketch

[astranauticus]

oh lol i forgot to post this robit sketches! because i have one (1) bit and im sure as hell gonna commit to it apparently

[goggles-mcgee]

Hi! Three questions! Sorry, I have so many. Can you tell us more about the relationship between Marinette and the batfamily in Wish me away? Can you tell us more class salt and Adrien salt in Ivy’s sampling? And... Can you tell us more about the daminette relationship in Ivy’s sampling? Please and Thank you.

Hi! Don't apologize! That's perfectly fine OuO

Wish Me Away:

It's hard at first for them all because they have never been around a baby, nor have they cared for a baby. The only one capable is Alfred but they all want to help out with her and get to know her, especially after hearing what she went through. Bruce really tries the hardest as he is now her father after the adoption and everything, and this time he really will get to experience one of his child's childhood with them. So he is taking it very seriously, but it means he's kind of a really big hoverparent.

Dick is in love with little Marietta and can't wait for Barbara to meet her. He tries to show her as much love as his parents gave him growing up in the circus, and he definitely takes her on the trapeze and everything just like his parents said they did with him. He just wants to make her happy.

Jason loves her too, but he's like Bruce, he's very protective of her. If he takes her anywhere he always carries her or has her in a stroller or has her on one of those backpack leash things. He will always go running when he hears her scream, even if he thinks it could be a false alarm or something small like she accidentally bumped into the wall again. He just wants her to feel safe. It's why when she has nightmares, he's one of the only ones that can calm her.

Tim liked to teach her things, he caught on that she was already pretty smart for her age so he takes time out of his day to teach her whatever he can think of. She already can count to ten in French, so they're working on doing it in English. He always makes sure to take breaks. If he sees Mari take an interest in something, he already makes a note to teach her a little something about whatever caught her eye. He wants her to know that no matter what catches her interest, he will be there to support her every step of the way.

Damian took awhile to get used to her and get over his feelings of jealousy but when he did, he felt such love for his little sister. There was a respect for her there after knowing what she had survived. He decided he would be the one to teach her to not bottle up her anger or other negative emotions. So everytime he saw her get angry and throw things he would take her to his room or the library to draw out her frustrations or paint them out. Or he would take her to play fetch with Titus. Or let her "spar" with him. He wanted her to know what his family had taught him over the six years he had been there, it was okay to have emotions, to have anger, and you could always find something else to do than resort to violence.

Alfred took to her the fastest. He was probably the most heartbroken about her situation when Tikki and Plagg explained it so he liked to spend time with her and get to know her. So he baked and let her watch or "help" (he really just put water in a bowl and asked her to stir it) he found she really liked to talk. She knew a lot of words, in French, Mandarin, and English but she did babble like any baby did, and she would babble at him like she was telling a story. Which, he guessed, she likely was, so he would listen and he would ask questions or would hum to let her know he was listening. He wanted Marietta to know she would always be heard in the manor, that she would always have someone who would listen to her.

Ivy's Sapling:

The salt. Adrien's salt is he's getting more aggressive in his passive aggressive ways of "dealing" with Marinette, and her "unwillingness to follow direction." Specifically his directions about the high road. He doesn't realize that he is essentially turning into his father with Marinette. He points out all her faults to her at the end of the day when they talk, he says it's to help her but Marinette knows he's doing it because he can finally tell someone they are wrong.

No matter what she does he always tries to get her alone at the end of the day so they can talk, and he always guilt trips her. Basically saying they won't hang out if she continues in her behavior or he won't be by her side anymore if she can't take the high road and just let Lila be. But then Marinette starts to snap because the class step up from the isolation. They start playing "pranks" on her and basically say they'll stop if she apologizes to Lila for bullying her.

Marinette finally tells Adrien no at one of their daily talks and genuinely asks him what she has done wrong. Tells him to tell her specifically what she has done that is wrong or lying or bullying behavior towards her former friends and/or Lila. When he can't say anything he gets mad and grabs her, he has always been a touchy person but when she tells him to let go, he won't. She gets more mad and demands he give her a reason why she is in the wrong.

Then Adrien yells at her, "Why can't you just keep the peace!? This is my escape from home and you're ruining it! Why can't you just fall in line and keep quiet!?"

That's when Marinette truly understands that Lila had turned all her friends in that class against her. Adrien wasn't with her. He never was probably, he just wanted her to pretend everything was fine and continue to let their friends get hurt and manipulated all so he could continue to have a stress free escape. It doesn't stop after that because he starts to visit as Chat Noir and she thinks that Adrien has talked Chat into being on his side. He's basically starts to threaten her as well and says she really will be all alone if she doesn't stop her attitude and go back to the way she used to be.

Unlucky for him Chloe, Sabrina, Aurore and Mireille had all been in the locker room and heard all of it. Aurore had videotaped it too.

That's how Marinette gets her little squad of friends.

Adrien as Chat gets worse in his advances on Ladybug and starts sitting out on fights, keeps trying to kiss her without her permission, has gone to several papers and said they are dating despite what Ladybug has said, and just in general being a slimy guy.

He's basically becomes another Lila in her life.

The class as a whole, like I said pull pranks on Marinette but it's really just bullying her. They spill things on her, her seat seems to always be wet with something in the mornings, she started to laminate her homework since some came up shredded or stained or soggy, nothing gets left in her locker if she can help it, if it is she makes more booby-trapped things to keep them safe since they go missing or are defaced or just utterly destroyed. And of course Mlle Bustier does nothing about it.

Marinette has tried to step down as class president but Lila convinced the class she is trying to do it to punish them for siding with Lila. Mlle Bustier firmly denies Marinette's request and just continues to lecture her about the Marinette's of the world.

Even despite her friends trying to help her anyway they can and collecting evidence to make a case for the Board of Education, Marinette, no Marigold has enough and moves back to Gotham with the help of Bruce Wayne.

When the class comes back from the weekend and Marinette isn't there, they think nothing of it, they just think she's sick but then Mlle Bustier frowns and goes to the principals. When she gets back she announces that Marinette's parents sent her away and that she has moved, is that the wrong information? Yes! Did Mlle Bustier care and check her facts? No!

The whole class is stunned because they did go to Tom and Sabine and tell them about Marinette's behavior, but they didn't think they would send her away!

Lila is also stunned because she also didn't think they would send her away because they seemed to love Marinette so much, no matter what she did (or didn't do.) Now they had no class president and really she had been trying to keep Marinette in that position because as loathe as she was to say it, the girl was good at it.

Adrien is more mad than stunned. He thinks Marinette was just running away from everything.

Marigold met Damian when she was out buying fabric after she finished getting settled at home with Ivy and Harley that week. He was out walking when she accidentally knocked him over with her shopping bags, of course he was originally annoyed at getting knocked over but he had to at least be polite. He noticed she wasn't from there and well, she was a foreigner with a lot of shopping bags, she was small, and a girl, she would run into trouble whether she wanted it or not. So he decided to play tourguide in a sense and went shopping with her and eventually they went out for a bite to eat at the end of it.

Of course they did end up finding trouble and a couple of thugs tried to rob them. Damian had sighed because really, he had seen it coming, what he didn't see coming was Marigold pushing him behind her, her throwing one of her shopping bags at one of the robbers and while he was distracted she took him and his friends down. When it was all said in done she had checked to make sure Damian was okay. And honestly he had to take a minute to ask himself that too.

That was the start of their friendship.

It took awhile for both of them to admit they had feeling for the other, but it was well into their friendship. Damian had had a good meltdown over the fact she was Ivy's daughter, while she had had one over the fact he was The Damian Wayne. She didn't treat him any differently but she had been shocked and even more determined not to let him pay for their outings like he insisted he should.

The more time they spent together the more they fell for each other. The tipping point was when Marigold finally told him everything that happened back in Paris, about the class and Adrien and Lila, and about being Marinette and Ladybug. He in turn told her about the League and about being an Al Ghul and about being Robin. That's when they started dating.

[fanfiction-funtime]

Alexander Vodka lines

I did most of the characters, but some I don't know or genuinely can't think of anything. Hope this is good >-<

Hello: Hey there, your that Traveler fella ain’t ya? Hope I don't owe you copyrights for  the name. Hm? I don’t? Well then, what can I help ya with?

Adventures? Sure why not, I could use the inspiration.

Two names: You’re curious why I have two names? Well it's sort of a thing in Snezhnaya that officers and other high ranking people have two names, like how harbingers do. Since I’m a high ranking member of the Schneznayan authors association, well former member, I have the name “Eis Cay’zar” meaning “ice ruler”. And Alexander Vodka is a pen name. Hm? What's my resistance name and real one? Well now Traveler, a man must have some secrets.

Change of tone: Ah yes, people often find the way I change from more eloquent speech to more casual off putting. Well it's the same reason I wear two sets of clothes: sometimes I feel like looking like an old noir hero, other times I like looking like a new age caped crusader. Sometimes I like sounding high society, other times I enjoy sounding like I’m from Khaen’ria.

How do you know about Khaen’ria: Well I was looking for accents and found out about a place called “New York” or something, a bit of investigation and I discovered everything. My source? That's a secret, ehe.

Good morning: Mornin’ Traveler! What's in the mornin’ paper?

Noon: Lunch time, my favourite time of the day. Let’s go get some pizza, I’m famished!

Afternoon: Almost time to punch out, let's go knock some skulls first.

Night: *yawn* Today was fun, thanks buddy. Get some shut eye, or if you can't come meet me at (wanmin/angels share/the tea house), first rounds on me!

When it rains: I am so glad I got over my fear of contacts.

When it rains(with glasses outfit): Hey can we get under something? I can barely see!

When it stops raining: The smell that comes after rain has always been one of my favorites.

When it snows: Perfect weather to bundle up with a nice hot cup of hot chocolate!

When it stops snowing: Do you ever miss home, Traveler?

About freedom: I warned Barbados, you know that? I knew that as long as he saw it coming, Signora wouldn’t stand a chance. But he just looked at me and said, “good, when I’m gone mondstadt will be truly free of the gods”. That’s a man I’d follow to the depths of the abyss and back.

About Venti: Speaking of Barbados, he’s a great drinking buddy. Me and him knock back a couple hundred rounds whenever I’m in Mondstadt! Course I’m always paying the tab, but I consider it a way of repaying him for making songs about my books.

About Kaeya: The cavalry captain? He’s pretty cool if you ask me, modeled as Rex Mondoleon for the cover of a historical fiction book I made. But I’d still like to know what he’s hiding behind that smile.

About Diluc: Don’t tell him I told you this, but one time I found Diluc after he was hit by an abyss spell that made him drunk. While he was drunk he kept ranting about how sorry he is for kicking out his brother. The poor guy has all that forgiveness in him but he’s too afraid to let it out.

About Jean: The acting grandmaster of the knights is someone truly deserving of respect. She leads by being a good person and earning the respect of her people, and she has never once tried to cover up the mistakes of the knights. In fact if a knight makes a mistake she’ll rush out to fix it. Jean should be the grandmaster, not that crooked old bastard.

About Lisa: Lisa was my first friend in Mondstadt. She mailed me about getting copies of my books into the Mondstadt library, I said I’d do a signing to promote a new one, one thing led to another and now we have tea every ninth day of the month.

About Rosaria: Don’t tell anyone, but I’m very sure she’s a vampire. A nice one, but still.

About Barbara: Awe that little doll? I once saw her kill multiple fatui because they threatened some sick and injured travelers. So I think she’s a great person, takes compassion to save lives and guts to handle taking them as well.

About Bennett: Bennett? Yeah I know him, nice kid. He likes my books but kept breaking them, so now I make special enchanted ones so he can’t break them even if he tried.

About Razor: The guardian of wolvendom? He’s a weird one alright, but he’s not a bad guy. I taught him how to read and write.

About Fischl: That crazy kid? I don’t care what everyone else says, she’s nice. People need to learn to just leave people alone, she’s not hurting anyone with her persona.

About Noelle: You will never find someone more dedicated too...well anything than Noelle is too the knights and her training.

About Klee: Klee and I are great friends! Nothing is more stimulating than massive explosions!

About Amber: She always has interesting stories to tell, like one time where she got rid of some bandits by making a dummy merchant cart filled with explosives! Or the time she had to help a kid get her pet giant snake out from the cathedral!

About Zhongli: Heh, he thinks he’s slick, but I know he’s Rex Lapis. Gotta say I kinda hate him for just giving up his gnosis, however he did it to free his people so I can’t be mad.

About Ninnguang: Never much cared for economics because I don’t know much about ‘em, so I can’t say anything about her business sense. But I can say that she’s a great leader who puts her people first.

About Keqing: Haven’t talked to her enough to know much, but she’s dedicated to her people and that's enough for me. Her dislike of blind faith in the gods is definitely enough to make me want to get to know her better though.

About Qiqi: Qiqi’s a nice kid, I don’t care what anyone says her being a zombie doesn’t make her bad.

About Baizhu: Snake man? Nice guy, helps me be accurate in my books. Always worry about him though, one hot breeze and he’s out like a light.

About Xingqiu: Xingqiu always tries to hide his good deeds, and while I can respect anonymity I can’t let a hero go unsung. So I’ve written multiple short stories about him using a different name, and put in the beginnings that it’s based on a true story.

About Chongyun: His popsicles are great inventions, I’ve played around with the idea a bit and made flavored ones. So far I’ve got strawberry and grape down and am working on this weird fruit called a..Banananana? I think?

About Beidou: Captain Beidou is so cool! She tells me stories about her journeys out to see and I write about them, but after seeing her in action I can’t really say that I do her justice.

About Kazuha: Kazuha has suffered so much, yet he refuses to give up and curl up away from the world when he so easily could. I have immense respect for him.

About Xianling: You’d be surprised at how good slime and boar tusk can be.

About Xiao: I’ve written down many myths and legends of the yaksha, but sadly I've never seen him in person.

About Verr Goldet: Oh she’s great company! Good business sense, and always polite.

About Gorou: Many people rightly attribute the Resistance’s survival and victories to general Kokomi, but it’s wrong to say general Gorou isn’t a brilliant strategist. He knows how to rally his men against impossible odds, and how to keep them standing against them. I’d follow general Gorou into battle any day.

About Ayaka: Ayaka seems so lonely, I hope when this is all done she can have some form of social life.

About Thoma: Thoma’s as cool as he seems. He always has a level head, and solves problems smoothly and without issues.

About Yoimia: KABOOOM!

About Kokomi: One time I was doing an interview of her excellency, to boost morale and draw new members. I intended on asking for her autograph, only for her to ask for mine! I’ve been riding that high for a while now and still ain’t come down.

About Signora: I hate fatui, but without that she has some good qualities: most of her power is her own unlike most other harbingers, and she’s a sharp dresser. Plus she’s actually justified in her choice to join the fatui, not excused, but isolation can justify many crimes in my book. But no matter what I can’t forgive her. She attacked my friend without a chance for him to fight back, and was unfairly cruel. Nothing can justify that, and I will not forgive her as long as she remains unapologetic for her cowardly cruelty.

About Childe: Fatui are scum, but Childe’s probably the best of them: he personally tries to keep civilians and the weak out of fatui business, and he’s only in it to make sure his family lives well. He also is powerful on his own, but most of his strength is the Tsaritsa’s well deserved gifts. Still though, he’s just a single stressful day from losing all his morals. I can’t leave the fate of my homeland to a madman like him, not unless he gets therapy.

About Scaramouche: Scaramouche...that bastard, it’s been five years and he still owes me 30,061 mora.

About the Fatui: The fatui are really just people who are lost or genuinely believe they’re in the right, and while I can sympathize and respect many of them I can't agree nor can I just stand by and watch. The grunts usually aren’t that bad, honestly they’re more like underpaid graduates new to the workforce, but the fighters you see daily? Almost all of them are scum no better than raiders, and debt collectors are the worst of them because they’ll do anything they can to scam you out of everything in their contracts.

About us-commissions: You know, if you’d like to commission a biography it’s 100 mora per ten pages.

About us-inspiration: You’re a font of inspiration for me, ya know that?

About us-fellow rebels: I’ve been with ya enough to know that this path you’re on, the one to find your sis/bro, you’re fighting against something far beyond my ability to deal with. I won’t abandon you, I’ll be here every step of the way.

About us-friends: We’ve been through a lot pal, I’m glad to call you my friend. Please, call me my rebel name: it’s Belgrade, named after the city where some very brave men took their last stand against oppression.

Hobbies: Well you have reading and writing, otherwise? Can't think of anything.

Favorite food: Grilled tiger fish, come get it while it’s hot!

Least favorite food: I really wanna try it, but I can’t have almond tofu. Or any nuts. Closes my throat right up.

Something to share: Hehe, I got embarrassing dirt on all the harbingers. Signora? She has a Tsaritsa body pillow. Scaramouche? He knits sweaters for his pet pig, cute but he hates letting people know. And Childe? Hoo man, the pics I’ve got on him have put a pretty mora on my head.

About me: Hey have you seen my dice? I wanted to teach the mondstadt kids how to play them...hm? What?! No, not gambling! It’s, uh, a tad embarrassing...h-hey look! Literally anything else, let's pay attention to it!

About me II: Alright! These rolls are great, can’t wait to use them next game. I’m so proud of Fischl, so young yet so imaginative. She’s already-ah! T-traveler! What are you doing?..

You know I’m the one meant to be learning the secrets here.

About me III: Back in Snezhnaya, everyone looks down on things that don’t “conform” where even the most rigid of nations like Inazuma have stopped caring. Adults can't play games, men can’t wear dresses, can’t even have a “weird” sense of humor. No laws against it, but being outcasted is...it’s not good…

About me IV: I wish I grew up in Mondstadt. The kids there are so free to be themselves, and the adults aren’t pressured to be nothing more than working hands. It’s not perfect, after all people are rude to Fischl and Benny for being “different”, but it’s better that’s for sure.

About me V: Hey traveler...this is...no it’s not embarrassing. You’re my friend and I have no reason to be embarrassed by wanting to enjoy time with you! Fischl’s going to run a pen and paper dice game, ever played one? It’s super fun, you get to be anything you want really, and it’s a great way to bond.

You will? Great! I’ll help you make a character!

Alexander’s troubles: It’s so hard to find publishers these days. Noone wants an actual plot, they just want twist after twist. What’s up with that?! Shock value is no substitute for characters you love living fulfilling lives.

Happy birthday: Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday you crazy bastard, happy birthday to you! Seriously pal, you put yourself in harm's way every day it seems, we literally met when you were fighting an actual god! Actually, know what? No danger all day! We’re wrapping ourselves in blankets and just relaxing!

Feelings about ascension-intro: woah, somethin’ feels different. I like it!

Feelings about ascension-building up: man, I’m feeling inspired all of a sudden! Hey traveller, give me a prompt!

Feelings about ascension-climax: HA! I don’t know what high I’m riding but I like it, I just finished writing a whole book series!

Feelings about ascension-conclusion: WOO! YEAH! ULRICH MIKAEL KEEPS WINNIN’!-I-I meant Alexand-ah forget it, I’m feelin’ too good to care!

OCs:

About Louis: That crazy inventor guy from Fontaine? I heard he got used by the fatui, damn shame that. Noone deserves to have their heart played with like that.

About Spritefather: You ever heard of Spritefather? I’ve only heard legends, but the fanmail I keep getting tells me that sometimes things are only legendary until someone writes them down.

About the Storytraveler: There’s this woman who travels from universe to universe to fix things, she’s in Teyvat right now. You should meet her, really nice person. But her powers are a bit weird, why does she transform like that? It takes so much time!

_____________________

Tagging: @love-psxlm, @storytravelled, @genshin-obsessed, @golden-wingseos

[smokeybrandreviews]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: As Hard As Chinese Arithmetic

So far, this year has been a doozy, man. We had an insurrection at the Capital. Then a big-tittied, Goth Vampire, Amazon Mommy just triggered all of the interweb’s fetishes, male, female, and other. Then, a bunch of Reddit Sh*tposters broke Wall Street for the Lolz. It has been a f*cking ride, man. I’m just happy we made it to the end of the month because, f*ck, i need a breather. Plus, the first new film of the year, a proper theatrical flick, released in the multiplex, just dropped. Since we ain’t got vaccines for the Wuha and i hate society in general, i wasn’t about to brave the outside for it. Fortunately for me, Warner Brothers said f*ck it, and decided to release their entire 2021 film slate, same day as theaters, to HBOmax. The first flick out the gate with this rather comfy release strategy? The Little Things. From what I've seen, this cast is dope but I've heard mixed reviews. Curious to see which side of the discourse I'll land on. Either way, I'm watching this thing from the comfort of my couch and i kind of dig it.

The Good

Denzel Washington is, obviously, the best thing about this flick. Dude is always one of, if not the best, thing about whatever he's in and this is no different. Washington has been acting a real long time so this the of part he can play in his sleep. I think, though, that might have been a detriment because his Joe Deacon comes across as a little “samey.” I re-watched Virtuosity the other day and this character feels like the cat he played in that, which feels like the cat he played in Man on Fire, which feels like the cat he played in Equalizer. I'm not mad, mind you, Rampage Washington is one of my favorite things about Hollywood, but I think playing this character like that was a mistake. Still, it was fun to watch.

Rami Malik plays, like, a regular dude in this. His Jim Baxter is kind of the foil to Washington's more aggressive, more passionate Deke, and it's weird to see. Like, i get it, Rami wants avoid being typecast as the weirdo but, I mean, the weirdo is where it's at, you know? If the character is well written and there's room to really dig in with an eclectic performance, why not go weird? Malek sure has the face for it.

Jared Leto just plays himself. The character he's supposed to be portraying is named Albert Sprama but this is just regular ass, crazy ass, cult leader ass Jared Leto. It's not a bad performance but you can tell Leto isn't really trying to be anything but who he is in this.

The atmosphere in this thing is palpable. I respect that. Neo-Noirs and thrillers like this need that. They need to feel seedy, gritty, dirty. For all of it's faults, The Little Things definitely nails that. It ain't Nineties grunge but it does a pretty good job of emulating that kind of energy, even if it's really just a facsimile and not the genuine article.

Listen, this is a gorgeous film. The cinematography and scene composition are top notch. As far as a visual piece of media, it really does deliver. There's this sordid, grimy, feel to the presentation that really mimics David Fincher's early work. I'm a fan of Fincher's so I noticed the similarities immediately but, as much reverence as this content has for his work, David Fincher  this ain't.

This thing is beautifully directed. I might have my issues with the film as a whole, but John Lee Hancock put his best foot forward trying to visually craft this narrative, for sure. It's a little awkward seeing dude forge this type of story considering his more, lighthearted entries into the Hollywood collective, but he approaches it with the same flair and professionalism as he does those films, too.

The Bad

Look, I love the principals of this cast. They are all great actors Individually Together, there's no real chemistry, especially between Malik and Washington. I think that's more because of the lacking script more than anything. A lot of this movie feels like it's adequacy relies too heavily on it's lead's abilities rather than a solid script or screenplay. That's a shame because a crime thriller starring Denzel Washington and Rami Malik chasing after Jared Leto sounds like a swell f*cking times.

So this thing is a period piece. It's supposed to take place in the Nineties and, as a cat who grew up during that time, this definitely doesn't feel like them. Sure, there's little nods and everything to it like music choices and certain set dressings but, overall, this doesn't scream Super Grunge, Extreme Radical to me. Which, we all know, is exactly what the Nineties absolutely were.

There is a distinct, Fincher-esque, energy to this film but it fails miserably properly capturing it. Like, This movie is trying WAY too hard to be Se7en. I understand why it would, that film is a masterpiece but one shouldn't wear your inspirations so nakedly. Makes it way too easy to draw the obvious comparison and your entry will always be left wanting. It's weird to think that Hancock thought he could do that considering his catalog of film. Nothing about The Blindside or Saving Mr. Banks gives me confidence that he can adequately pull off something as macabre as Se7en and  it really seems dubious to me that he tried.

The strength of Se7en started with what was on the page. Fincher crafted this diabolical, challenging, degenerate narrative and had the perfect cast to bring it to life. The Little Things has the ambition to pull that same thing off but the script is way too weak for that. Hancock can't write this stuff, man. Indeed, it really feels like he watched Se7en, thought up a twist, and wrote from there. Basically, he wrote this screenplay the same way Stephanie Meyer wrote Twilight and we all see how well that turned out. If you don't have a story to tell, don't make a movie. Nothing great start with just a gimmick unless you're selling toys and that only works because kids are idiots.

Bro, what is this dialogue??

This movie is long, man. Long and barren. One could say that it is actually really boring at parts. Now, I'm not saying that, I'm a fan of the slow burn, bu this was even taxing my nerves. I think, though, that a better script could have goes a long way to alleviating that. The fact that I didn't give a sh*t about anything going on with these characters really made it hard to stay engaged.

The Verdict

The Little Thing is a January movie and it's weird to get one of those in this, new Pandemic age. More than anything, it's a disappointment, especially coming of excellent January releases these past few years like Underwater, The Nightingale, and Paddington 2. This film does not come close to the quality of those and it's real deflating. I wanted to this movie to be excellent. There are a few individual components that actually are. Great lead performances, outstanding direction, beautiful camera work but the core of this movie is lacking. The screenplay is a complete letdown which is the most f*cked up aspect of this this whole situation. Apparently, Hancock wrote the first draft of this flick in Ninety-three and this is the best we got. This is the version that made the screen. F*cking trash, man. The Little Things isn't a terrible film, not at all, but it's not good either. It is an incredibly mundane and pedestrian attempt at trying to copy Se7en but it never reaches those heights. You've seen this movie before done much, much, better. If this thing as shorter, I could recommend it might higher but this whole ass, two-hour run time is a bit much. If you have HBOmax and time to kill, its a decent watch, just don't expect too much from it. If you want this to be your grand return to the cinema, pass on that. It's not worth the ticket price.

[alexanderessex3dstoryart]

Film Language - 01/11/20 - Steven Spielberg’s Approach to Both Films

Today with my approach to the research for the essay, I decided I would focus on Steven Spielberg and his look on my two films as the title I currently have for the essay is ‘How does Steven Spielberg tackle film language in a chase scene in ‘Tintin: Secret of the Unicorn’ and ‘Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark’. Because of this, I wanted to look at interviews both video and text to see if there was any reflection or film-making that Steven wanted to achieve in those films and how I feel add to the chase scenes for my essay.    

I started with watching interviews on him discussing ‘Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark’ where the AFI interview has him talk about the Indiana Jones character being this vulnerable guy that’s tough as nails on the outside but is incredibly soft-hearted inside which I feel is communicated in his chase scene as there’s a bit where him and a Nazi are laughing over a guy that landed on the hood of the tuck and got flinged away only for that laughter to lead to Indy throwing him out of the truck. To me, that communicates his softer side as he would of continued to attack the Nazi in the truck if he was so persistent on trying to get rid of him but more so uses that softness to his own advantage. Continuing on with the Indiana Jones character, the actor ‘Harrison Ford’ apparently wanted to punished as much as possible in the movie to show he wasn’t this unstoppable force in the film and he’s only human which I feel Steven took advantage of when it came to the chase scene as you have him injured in the truck from gun fire as well as having to be dragged across the ground to get back onto the truck which Steven uses the composition and music of those scenes to highlight this.   

With the Tintin video interview research,  there wasn’t too much I could find on the film as it doesn’t have the same cult following compared to ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’. However in one of the interviews I watched, Steven mentions how much so he respects any opinion on his films which is why he doesn’t give too much input on the film language he’s trying to convey in his films. This is probably why it’s so challenging to find him openly speak out about film language in his films because of this fact which I genuinely like as it allows us to openly think about his movies without him saying this is meant to represent this.             

Steven Spielberg on RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK                    

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark - Interview by TheaterLive

Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson 'The Adventures of Tintin' Full Interview

Steven Spielberg Interview for THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN

After the video interviews I found, I looked more into some more written interviews if there was anything else he may of added to the films just in case. Reading the vanity Fair interview with Steven Spielberg on his films (inculding ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark), he further speaks about the Indiana Jones character and essentially re-confirms what I’ve been saying above in this post.

 ‘...the willingness to allow our leading man to get hurt and to express his pain and to get his mad out and to take pratfalls and sometimes be the butt of his own jokes. I mean, Indiana Jones is not a perfect hero, and his imperfections, I think, make the audience feel that, with a little more exercise and a little more courage, they could be just like him. So he’s not the Terminator’.

But something new that I found in the interview was how Steven goes about giving clarity with his action sequences which I found to be so useful towards the chases scene in ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ as he talks about getting the geography of the area make it as clear as possible where everything is in that scene so your not lost in the audience and it isn’t a series of quick cuts which is exactly what I’ve been looking at.

‘No, I don’t go for that. I go for geography. I want the audience to know not only which side the good guy’s on and the bad guy’s on, but which side of the screen they’re in, and I want the audience to be able to edit as quickly as they want in a shot that I am loath to cut away from. And that’s been my style with all four of these Indiana Jones pictures’

With Tintin, I found actually one helpful source of info that I could use towards my chase scene where Steven takes a large amount of inspiration from classic film noir films as he goes on to say how lighting ‘Tintin: Secret of the Unicorn’ was done to give it mystery and adventure to the story which is why it isn’t camera lit and more tingy lit around the environment. This is definitely evident in my chase scene as a lot of the times there isn’t a direct source of lighting in the chase and rather it’s lit just briefly around the scenery to make the film almost more real and Indiana Jones feeling.

‘It gives a better sense of mystery to the adventure,” the director said. “There’s a little bit of that in the ‘Indiana Jones‘ movies. I just thought this movie could not all be lit from the camera — we couldn’t just front-light it. Even Herge, in his artwork, attempted to suggest film noir. He would tincture the scenes at night, almost like the great Freddie Young‘s day-for-night cinematography from ‘Doctor Zhivago’.

Overall whilst I couldn’t find too much research on Tintin, I have more than enough background research into Indiana Jones and the intentions that Steven had with the film language and the characters that I feel very confident talking about the chase scene in the essay. Whilst it may be a bit harder to do, I might for next time look into a tiny bit more into Tintin if there's anything else I find but because it doesn’t have the same cult status as Indiana, I think I’m definitely happy of what I’ve manged to find today. In addition, I think i’ll need to go more into researching about chase scene theory just a tiny bit more as well as establishing what I want to cover in my essay for points to talk about and research for those prompts in the my scenes.

Links I looked at today:

Steven Spielberg Interview - Vanity Fair - https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2008/02/spielberg_qanda200802

Steven Spielberg on making 'The Adventures of Tintin’ -  https://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/filmmakersonfilm/8825003/Steven-Spielberg-on-making-The-Adventures-of-Tintin.html

Steven Spielberg Says ‘The Adventures Of Tintin’ Is “85% Animation, 15% Live Action” -  https://www.indiewire.com/2011/10/steven-spielberg-says-the-adventures-of-tintin-is-85-animation-15-live-action-115766/

[miraculousmumma]

The Real Me - A Miraculous Oneshot

So, I finished it quicker than I thought!  Here’s the entire thing in all its glory, if you can call it that!

The Real Me

The entire class looked on in silence.  Lessons for the week were done, everyone was packing up and talking about their plans, which was when Adrien got out of his seat, turned to Marinette, and said the words that had them all now staring at the interaction.

‘So, would you go out with me?’

It was like a match on the smallest tennis court, eyes darting between the two of them as they waited for her reply.  This was the culmination of all these years of Marinette crushing and Adrien being oblivious to both that and his own feelings.  This was the big moment.

Marinette continued packing her bag without even glancing up at him.  It was only when Alya yelped; ‘Girl!’; at her that she took a breath, looked up at Adrien without a single emotion on her face, and simply stated; ‘No thanks.  I’m good.’  And, without saying another word, she sidestepped around him, shouldering her bag as she went, leaving the entire class even more speechless than they had been.

Adrien was well aware of all eyes on him and, once the shock passed, he gave a laugh of pure embarrassment.  ‘I actually should have expected that.’  And with no other explanation, he headed out of the door at the closest he could get to a run without actually doing so.

‘Marinette!’

Marinette ignored the call from behind her as she walked rapidly towards the crosswalk to her home.  She wasn’t in the mood to listen to his excuses or his apologies.  She wasn’t in the mood for him to beg her to hear him out.  She just wasn’t in the mood for Adrien Agreste whatsoever.

‘Marinette, come on!’

She could tell he was closer, definitely going at a faster pace than her, but that was fine.  If he caught up with her she would give him what for, even though she had hoped to avoid him for just a couple of days.

‘Bugaboo, please.’  He caught up with her, sensibly keeping his hands to himself, but she spun on him just the same, giving him a blue-eyed glare that he was far more used to seeing surrounded by red and black spots.

‘Please nothing!’  She snapped.  ‘I have been pining over you for the last three years and suddenly, when you find out the truth, now you want to know me as more than just a friend?  No.  This is not going to happen.  At least, not the way you want it to!’

Adrien could only watch wide-eyed and open-mouthed as she rebuffed him yet again.  She was mad at him, he knew she was, but he honestly thought asking her out in front of their class would work.  That it would prove to her how serious about he was both in and out of their suits.  Boy, was he wrong.

While he struggled for an answer, Marinette was finished, and she turned her back on him, taking the final few steps into the patisserie behind her before slamming the door and leaning on it heavily.

‘Rough day at school, sweetie?’  Sabine asked from where she was serving a customer.

Marinette sighed as she pushed away from the door and dragged herself past the counter, towards the door through to their apartment.  ‘No, school was fine.’

‘Do you want a snack?’

‘Sure.’  She grabbed two cookies off a tray and disappeared through the door.

‘Sounds like a boy problem.’  The customer said knowingly.

‘I don’t know.’  Sabine frowned.  ‘That kind of look is normally a Bourgeois problem.’

Marinette dropped her bag on the floor of her room and flopped face down on her chaise, flipping off her shoes in the process.  Pulling the cushions into her face she screamed, angry at herself for having let this get to her.

When they discovered one another’s identities they were both shocked, closely followed by Adrien being delighted and Marinette being, well, pretty insulted actually.  It hit her harder than she could ever have imagined, finding out that Adrien was Chat Noir, that he had flirted with her so heavily when in costume, but out of it?  Out of it, she had been placed so firmly in the friendzone that it quickly warped into the ‘just-a-friend-zone’, which was somehow worse.  And now they knew he suddenly wanted to date her?  That hurt, plain and simple.  He wanted Ladybug, not Marinette, never mind that they were the same person.  He wanted just a small part of her and had always rejected the rest of her.  She didn’t want to be his no matter what.  She wanted to be his because he loved every facet of her.  To accept his request would lead to a lie, and she didn’t want that.

‘You know, Tikki,’ came her muffled voice, ‘if he had fallen for me as me and then this had been revealed then we wouldn’t have had any of these problems.  The fact I’m Ladybug would just have been one hell of a bonus!  The same for him!  I genuinely like Chat Noir, not just hero worship like most of Paris do, but because I trust him with my life, and vice versa.  The flirting bothered me a bit at first, but it soon just became a part of who he was.  I would have been over the moon to learn Adrien was Chat Noir, it feels right that it’s him, but his sudden change in his affection towards me doesn’t!  It feels forced, as though now I’m finally worthy of crawling out of the pit of just a friend and into his arms.  Well, no.  It’ll take more than that to win me over.  I don’t know what, but something.’

‘I understand your point.’  Tikki assured her from where she floated by her head.  ‘But you have to consider that asking you in both of your civilian guises is his way of showing you that he likes you both.’

‘It doesn’t feel like it.’  She grumbled before sitting up and positioning herself crosslegged, passing a cookie to Tikki.  ‘It feels like to make things official he’s trying to prove a point, that he’ll put up with me being Marinette if it means he gets to be with me as Ladybug.’  She folded her arms frustratedly.

‘That’s not what I did it for.’

Marinette squealed in surprise at the third voice in the room, her arms flailing so hard she fell off the chaise and onto the floor behind it.  Looking towards her skylight to the roof she saw the unmistakable face of Chat Noir, upside down and peering at her apologetically.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.’  He smiled slightly.

‘No, out, bad kitty!’  She yelled as she stumbled to her feet.  ‘I will spray you with water, hit you with a broom, whatever it takes to get you out of here!!!’

‘The only thing that will get me out of here is you listening to me.’  He said as firmly as he could with his throat tight with nerves and his voice trembling.

‘Then I guess you’re going to be here a long time.  Make yourself at home!’  She waved her arm at him and his smile widened, dropping down onto her bed and heading towards the ladder, in time to see her pulling at the hatch to leave her room.

‘Wait, wait, wait!’  He flipped over the side of the bed and landed on the door surprisingly lightly for how suddenly he did so.  ‘Please, hear me out, Marinette.  Please.  Then if you’re not satisfied you can throw me out yourself.’

She folded her arms and glared at him.  ‘There’s nothing you can say that will convince me, so prepare yourself for the definitive proof about cats landing on their feet.’

‘Okay.’  He huffed out a breath as he steeled his nerves.  ‘I don’t just want you because you’re Ladybug, and I’m sorry if that’s how it came across.’

‘How did you think that would ever be a good idea?’  She stared at him in disbelief.  ‘You ask me out as soon as you find out I’m actually the person you have been flirting with for all these years?  It makes me feel about an inch tall.  There’s so much misplaced affection when you’re a hero that I thought you might understand!  I want someone who sees me for me!’

‘I do see you for you!’

‘No!  You know who I am, both sides of me, but one side was never good enough for you, the side you should have seen.’

‘That works both ways, you know?’  He said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

She shifted her feet uncomfortably and unfolded her arms.  ‘What do you mean?’

‘You’re allowed to be yourself, you know who you are at home.  You’re you.  But I can’t do that.  I can’t be me outside of the mask.  I have to be perfect.’  Marinette’s gut clenched as she saw the pain in his eyes but she couldn’t think of anything to say, so he continued  ‘The perfect model, the perfect student, the perfect son.  I put this mask on and all bets are off.  I’m free.  I can run, I can laugh, no one cares what Chat Noir does, because he’s funny, and dashing, and carefree.  All the things I’m not.  So before you start accusing me of only loving one part of you…’

Chat fell silent when Marinette’s hands pressed against his cheeks the second before she kissed him.  Her lips were a soft and gentle touch but they may as well have been on fire, the way they affected him.  As well as being an efficient silencer they made his body roar with excitement, his head buzzing even as she broke the kiss and lowered her hands to his chest.

‘Maybe we’re both idiots in that respect.’  She said in a hushed tone.  ‘Maybe we both need to take the time to learn about both sides of us.’

‘Can we…’  Chat cleared his throat, surprised by how husky his voice sounded, ‘can we do that as a couple?’

‘I don’t see why not.’  She gave him a warm smile, one she had never been able to offer him without it turning goofy and her cheeks red.

‘This is going to take some explaining at school.’

She shrugged.  ‘Maybe we just show up tomorrow holding hands and don’t mention it.  Let their imaginations have this one.’

‘You always have the best plans, Marinette.’

‘I do try.’  She agreed, closing her eyes as his lips approached hers.

[miraculouslarrypotter]

Lucky Number Seven Part 1

Written by L

~~~

“Excuse me m’lady.”

Seven years.

That’s how long it had been since the last time Marinette had been called that name.

As she stood in the busy streets of New York with people pushing past her from every direction and coffee dripping down her once clean shirt, Marinette saw nothing but the man in front of her. Could it be him? No. This man was American, there wasn’t a single possibility it could be him. But even so, Marinette couldn’t help but wonder if the person standing in front of her was the boy who she fought endless battles with many years ago.

“Hey are you okay?”

Marinette snapped out of her day dream and turned her attention to the stranger who had just run into her, causing her to spill her coffee all over the top that she had designed herself.  

“Pawsitively purrrrrfect,” Marinette nervously laughed trying to get a reaction out of him.

The man’s expression instantly changed from one of concern to confusion as he muttered “Weird,” and walked away.

Well I guess that answers that question. But as Marinette rushed off towards work, she was transported back to a time when her days were filled with keeping Paris safe with her favorite sidekick, Chat Noir.

The night they defeated Hawkmoth was a night of celebration and sadness. She remembered the shock that spread through Paris when they removed Hawkmoth’s miraculous and revealed Gabriel Agreste. Ladybug and Chat Noir were so stunned that they couldn’t even pound fists over their final battle together. Chat had taken her hand and they walked away from all the madness as the authorities and news teams started to roll into the scene. They jumped from rooftop to rooftop until they reached a place where they could watch the arrest unfold without the noise and chaos. As they sat on the edge of the roof they let their silence consume the subject that they wanted to avoid at all costs.

“Listen, I don’t want to talk about Hawkmoth,” Chat Noir shifted to look at her. “We only have a few minutes left before we detransform and I don’t want to say goodbye yet.”

“Chat, I- “

“I already know, you don’t want to reveal our identities and I respect your wishes, but I just want to see you one more time because I’m going to miss you Bugaboo.”

Marinette reached over and took his hand “I will meet you on the top of the Eiffel Tower at midnight, after we’ve had a chance to recharge.”

Chat’s face broke into one of his classic grins for Ladybug and he stood up as his ring gave its final warning beep. “See you then m’lady.” Marinette watched him use his baton to propel him into the night.

But their last meeting never happened because on her way to meet Chat Noir, Marinette ran into Master Fu.

“Marinette, it pains me to tell you that it is time to return your miraculous. I can’t take the chance of losing anymore and having a repeat of the Hawkmoth situation again. Take a minute and say your goodbyes to Tikki.”

Marinette was speechless, she couldn’t believe that in an instant her entire second life would be gone forever. And Chat…she would never get to see her best friend one last time. She said a tearful farewell to Tikki and returned her to the guardian of the kwamis.

“Marinette, as you probably figured out by now I already collected Chat Noir’s miraculous and he asked me to give you this letter.”

Marinette took the letter and returned to her home to read it. She could still recite every word to this day.

 To my dearest Bugaboo,

The past 2 years of my life have only been made bearable because of the time I was able to spend with you. I loved making you laugh with my meowful puns and my purrrfect flirting. But I need you to know I wasn’t just trying to make you laugh. I always meant what I said because I care about you Ladybug. I think you know what I mean by that, but you deserve it hear it in person.

So let me tell you face to face.

I don’t want to say goodbye to you, my best friend. I never wanted to reach the day we defeated Hawkmoth because I knew I would lose you forever. But we don’t have to lose each other. You can still meet me tonight but without the masks. I’ve lost so much tonight, please don’t make my list any longer.

-Your kitten

Marinette didn’t know what to do, but she knew she couldn’t sit still, so she walked over to the park across from their parent’s bakery and sat on a bench. It was dark, but she could barely make out the shape of someone sitting at the fountain with their head in their hands. As she walked towards the fountain, they looked up and Marinette instantly recognized the green eyes that were filled with tears.

“Adrien? Is everything ok?”

“No, actually my life is currently spiraling out of control. You might not have heard yet but my father was just arrested tonight after Ladybug and Chat Noir revealed that he has been terrorizing Paris as Hawkmoth for the past two years.”

“Wow Adrien, uh I hadn’t heard that yet, but that’s awful! What is going to happen to your father’s company and you? What are you going to do now?”

“Well I have to wrap up some things here first, but then I need to leave Paris. There are too many bad memories here and believe it or not, but Marinette, you are one the only lights in my life here. I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too Adrien,” Marinette was to shocked to say anything else.

“Marinette, don’t give up on your designs. I know good fashion and so does my father, even if he did turn out to be Hawkmoth. He told me that you showed more promise than most of the top designers in Paris. I want you to promise you won’t abandon your gift.”

“I won’t.”

“Good. Maybe someday I’ll even wear your designs. Anyways, I’ve got to get going, but I’m so glad to have been your friend Marinette. Goodbye.” Adrien gave her a hug and then walked away.

Marinette waited until he had turned around the corner and then she sunk to the ground and cried for her first love. It wasn’t fair. She lost Adrien, Tikki, and her Chat Noir all in one night. She had never felt her heart physically hurt as much as it did that night. Her cellphone ringing awakened her from her grieving.

“Hello, Maman?”

“Marinette, honey, where are you? It’s 1 o’ clock in the morning and your father and I didn’t know where you were.”

“IT’S ONE O’ CLOCK?! Maman I have to go, I forgot to do something, but I’ll be home soon. Love you, bye!”

Marinette hung up the phone and started running towards the Eiffel tower without thinking. She was going to find her best friend; she needed him more than anything right now. She only hoped that she wasn’t too late. As she breathlessly reached the top of the tower she frantically searched for someone, anyone, but there wasn’t a single person in sight. And Marinette felt her heart break all over again. She watched the sunrise over Paris from the top of the Eiffel tower, but as the sun rose, her heart sunk.

After seven years, she still teared up thinking about that awful night. She had missed her last chance to meet the one person who knew her secret. The one person who knew who she really was at the core of her being. But she couldn’t stay stuck in that sadness, so she channeled her inner Ladybug into building her own fashion empire and she ended up in New York City running her own company.

But where had it all left her?

Covered in coffee and walking into work, heart hurting at the thought of her long lost friend.

Marinette couldn’t focus the entire day. She accidentally tore a new design, shredded important papers, and spilled more coffee on herself. Why couldn’t she shake herself out of this funk?

That night Marinette sat down at her computer and did something she promised herself she would never do. She opened up Google and entered ‘ladybug and chat noir’. Instantly her screen was filled with the familiar masked face that she knew too well. It had been seven years since she had seen that face and before she realized what was happening, Marinette felt tears start to slide down her cheeks.

Oh, the things she had missed the past the past seven years. She missed his names for her. She missed his ability to make her laugh like no one in the world could. She missed his green eyes that pierced through her soul, even through a computer. She missed the feeling of his strong arms around her carrying her away from danger. How many times had he thrown himself in front of her to take the hit, so that she could save the day with her lucky charm? She missed the support of her best friend, and yes she missed the terrible puns too. But most of all, she missed his love for her.

Chat Noir had never told Ladybug, but Marinette knew. She would never forget the look on his face when he told her that he loved Ladybug. His love was genuine and Marinette hadn’t realized that all of the flirting and teasing was real until that night.

As she looked back on all of her times with Chat Noir, she saw it all in a different light. It had only taken her seven years to realize how much she missed him. No, miss wasn’t strong enough of a word to describe the way she felt. She longed for Chat Noir in a way she had never wanted someone before. And then it hit her like a ton of bricks. How had she not realized it before?

Marinette gasped and whispered, “I love him.”

Ever since that first battle against Hawkmoth. She continued to scroll through the pictures and began to see the love in her eyes for her sidekick. It had been there all along, but she was to preoccupied with her crush on Adrien to recognize what real love was. Sure, Marinette would always hold a special place in her heart for Adrien, but that was just puppy love. What she felt for Chat was so much more.  He was her friend, partner, protector, helper, supporter, and shield.

Marinette thought about the night when she found out Chat Noir was in love with her. She had been so shocked that she didn’t realize the only reason they defeated Glaciator was because he recognized they were in love so he wasn’t able to turn them into ice cream. When they fought Dark Cupid and Ladybug kissed Chat Noir, the evil had only been overcome because it was a true love’s kiss.

There was only one problem; she didn’t know who her masked hero was.

[cheeseeatingtrashmonster]

Ding

LadyNoir July day 5: Bell/Addictive

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Read the whole month on AO3

Ding

Ladybug could remember the first time she reached out to flick Chat Noir's bell. The stupid bell was just right there, so tempting. And he had just made some stupid pun. So she just reached out and-

Ding

"Keep out of trouble, Kitty."

She actually remembered the second time she touched the bell, but it wasn't to ring it, it was to grab it and pull Chat's face down to yell at him. He had thrown himself in front of her to shield her once again. She hated every hit he had ever taken for her, and in that moment, he needed to know it. Loudly, and right in his face.

It took a few months after that for Ladybug to notice just how often she would reach for that little golden bell. To tease him, to annoy him, to distract him, to focus him. It wasn't quiet as useful as his belt, but secretly it was her favorite part of his costume.

"If I didn't know any better," Chat said one day, catching her hand before it could fully withdraw from under his chin, "I'd think you like ringing my bell."

"Ew, Chat," she said, wrinkling her nose and pulling her hand away.

"What?" he asked. He looked genuinely confused.

"I'm not explaining that one to you, Kitty Cat."

She hooked her yoyo on a far off point and ignored Chat's shouts of, "What did I say?"

While she did homework that night, Marinette realized Chat Noir was right. At least, in the sense he intended, not the other way. She liked seeing his eyes light up, she liked the tiny ding, and she liked the very idea of her kitty having a bell on his collar.

"I am so sorry, My Lady," Chat said, dodging banana pudding that another akuma shot at them. "I didn't realize there was a double meaning to what I said, and I never would have-"

"Is now really the time?" Ladybug asked, spinning her yoyo to deflect the pudding.

"I just want you to know that I may flirt, but I'd never intentionally make you uncomfortable with sex jokes. I respect you, and-"

"The akuma's in his elbow pads!"

When they had restored the disgraced pudding-loving skateboarding champion, Ladybug made sure to flick Chat's bell before leaving, just to see his eyes light up and his shoulders relax, knowing she wasn't mad at him. Seeing his whole demeanor change from the simple action made Ladybug feel... powerful. In a different way than the miraculous magic made her feel powerful.

From there it got out of control. Every time she saw him, Ladybug's hand went to Chat Noir's collar. Every time he visibly brightened and she heard that ding, her day got a little better and she just wanted to do it again.

She didn't realize just how ingrained this was until one afternoon in science lab. Apparently, the class hadn't been paying enough attention to the teacher lately. She had brought in a little bell to ring as a new means of demanding their attention. Marinette hadn't thought anything of it, until-

Ding

A happy, giddy feeling filled her. Her eyes snapped to the closest mop of blonde hair, and as her grin started to morph into the words, "Silly Kitty," she realized where she was. Who she was. And whose blonde hair was in front of her.

Marinette took a breath and tried to figure out why her heart was racing, why her cheeks were hot and she was craving- something? Something was definitely missing in that moment, something that she wanted more than anything. Whatever it was, it stayed right outside her grasp for the rest of class. As the rest of her classmates gathered up their things to head to the next class, Marinette went to the front of the room and picked up the small bell. She gave it the smallest ding before setting it down again.

That was it. She knew what she was craving. It was a Pavlovian response. She heard a bell, and reacted. But instead of a dog drooling for food, she craved a Cat.

Marinette was addicted to Chat Noir, and that little bell was all the evidence she needed.

[lilmajorshawty]

Going through the progressed moons as stages in life.

LIBRA AND SCORPIO PROGRESSED:

It’s kind of strange how progressed moon in libra is when relationships start to bloom in someone’s life and then Scorpio progressed moon comes along and is like “el oh el I’m about to brake y’all up, cause pain makes you stronger c:” the two come hand in hand since this is the start and end of puberty so to speak! It’s that moment where a lot of us meet that someone who makes us wanna say the doomed “I love you” but it’s also that moment when we feel the true meaning of the phrase “I hate you” it’s the playful fun years but also the emotionally draining and intense psycholanlysis that comes with it. Losing ones virginity could happen during this time but it can also be ones first heartbreak. Things will feel pretty and tender and even sentimental with libra but Scorpio things will feel heavy and overwhelming and almost like the world is on the verge of digging you 90000 feet into the floor.(During this time your venus aspects and Pluto aspects to personal plants are highlighted so this is the time in which these aspects are grown from and even dealt with)

SAGITTARIUS AND CAPRICORN PROGRESSED:

And then progressed sag moon strolls in like “hey so I was thinking? How about we just say fuck it and develope loose but meaningful relationships with people that kinda matter but also who cares?!And you just start living and thriving and practicing self love—BUT then progressed cap moon comes in like “so buddy I think it’s time to come to terms with the fact that maybe you’re not as happy as you thought you were” *que* the depression and mid life crisis. This is the adolescent-maturity phase! This is when the world looks real big and vast and when it’s harder to get you to settle down! But you know why right!? Because you’ve just been through some shit with that Scorpio moon and now you wanna brake free and relax and take things light but cap moon is gonna challenge that! He’s going to show you that actions have consequences and I’m not gonna lie it’ll get hard life will suck and GURL GROWING UP IS A ABSOLUTE MESS? Who invented bills? Who invented bank accounts? Taxes who? And trust me you’ll be feeling like all your trauma is pulling up on you with a lot of aggression but you’ll survive and you’ll be super noir baby. (During this time your Jupiter aspects and Saturn aspects to personal planets are brought to attention and this is when they’ll receive the most growth)

AQUARIUS MOON PROGRESSED:

Then finally progressed aqua moon comes like the gender neutral goddess they are and brings you to music festivals and random strolls to the store you never thought you needed but somehow find joy in doing at 10pm at night. But mean while you’re unable to process why you where crying for 45 minutes on the way to your lecture but who cares because feelings are foreign and impossible em I right? But see you focused so much on making yourself tough and ready for the world that you forget to pamper your own feelings! You haven’t done so in awhile! It’s been a few years since sister Scorpio so what now? Well that’s the thing nothing-this is the time where it’ll seem like your viewing your emotions and actions from the outside looking in. Your In recovery mode.(your Uranus and Saturn aspects once again are called to attention!)

PISCES MOON PROGRESSED:

Then karma pin drops in her gold plastered stilettos and vetments bandolier bag as progressed Pisces moon comes and shits on all the emotional baggage you’ve been ignoring till later and as you spend the next 2.5 years having meetings with emotions you didn’t know you had. There’s going to be a lot of emotional confusion! People are gonna think you’re a guru and let me tell you DONT DATE THAT PAINTER BOY!! DONT LET HIM PAINT YOU LIKE ONE OF HIS ART THOTTIE BOTTIES ITS A TRAP. You’ll meet incredible people during this time and hell you might even become more religious. It’ll seem like you’re being guided but it’ll also seem like you lose yourself in everything and anyone. It’s a dangerous time but it’s also a very spiritually rewarding one. Keep your head up buttercup and once again if I catch you at a art museum I want to throw hands ok? OK?(here your Neptune aspects are brought to the forefront and bitch it’ll hurt)

ARIES MOON PROGRESSED:

Sister Aries progressed moon shows up as that wild asf headache that you’re suddenly dealing with regularly and the bouts of sexual frustration and LONER mentality that you’re both kinda feeling like is a bad thing but lowky loving it because you’ve made some unhealthy co dependent relationships with sister Pisces moon. Your eyes could start acting up real bad like I’m taking blurry mic sclurry. You’ll be blunt and dynamic and people are gonna respect and fear you because they don’t know if your mad or happy and guess what neither do you. You’ll be your own person genuinely and you’ll feel like life is a breeze because you have control of it but hey be careful sis not everything is in the palm of your hands! Also animals are kinda gonna hate you sometimes not because there’s something wrong but because of how instinctual and raw Aries is and how,Ja know animals be it’s like you know you’re literally at eachothers necks lmao. You and mommy are either gonna be super cool or super caught in arguments. (Your mars aspects will be brought to attention! and hey don’t worry it won’t be so bad)

TAURUS MOON PROGRESSED:

But right as you start to enjoy the young wild and reckless lifestyle papa Taurus progressed moon comes in and starts to take you on the long road of finance and tax deductions—ah the fun and joy of adulting and falling asleep at 9 because now you’re not no longer a wee little lad who could party and harty from dusk to dawn. He rewards you with food though lots of it and sis the curves! You’ll meet some sensual lovers and might even learn to appreciate fallacio 👀. It’s a romantic time but also a very relaxed yet busy time! GET SLEEP! Eat! Enjoy the world! (Your venus aspects once again sweetie! Tell em I said hi)

GEMINI MOON PROGRESSED:

But you know the reclusive money schmoney life style gets halted when brother Gemini moon progressed comes by with the gadgets! And the socializing! Now you’re out and about talking about things you know nothing about but would love to learn about! People are fast paced and the street lights seem so bright! Your eating less but mainly because you’re always on the go! Oh my my my but what about your love life? (Your mercury will never be the same dah dah dah lol jk but no seriously this is mercury aspects)

CANCER MOON PROGRESSED:

Here comes the lullaby as the bird songs! Cancer progressed moon shimmers in with some blankets and hot cocoa. Simply now, simplicity is the word. Your not doing much—your a homebody-chilling, making peace with your feelings and being in them 78/9 of the time but hey that’s great because you’ve been through a mess haven’t you!? From feeling to not understanding what you feel to well feeling them all the time! This might be the time in your life where if you’re in your late 20s or late 30s yah might be having baby’s or even buying a house HOUSE you know like the kind you spend the rest of your life in and the one that your husband some how managed to spill Spaghetti suace in the floor and absolutely ruin it because he’s a fool but you love him. (This is your lovely moon!! Your natal moon aspects will be higleted and grown from here)

LEO MOON PROGRESSED:

Then comes LOUD Leo swaying her hips with all that sass! This progression is gonna be a hoot! It’ll be that climax before the climax! Where you think you have it all figured out! The confidence, the looks, the saucy head turns and hair flips but BOOM aslfnksnsosjs your ego is gonna fluctuate like a mad man. The ego is gonna be in question a lot—how you relate to others what they mean to you what you mean to them it’s gonna be dramatic but it’ll also feel like you’re being your most “you” it’s the time where life is felt with a unwavering passion and where every win feels like you’ve conquered the entirety of our universe and every lose will feel like some one through 892929922 black holes and planets untop of your head. (Your sun aspects and placements will be the focus here bb)

VIRGO MOON PROGRESSED:

Lastly miss quiet and virgin mistress in her all white dress and shimmering black eyes stares upon you. It’s time for the quiet moment in your life—it’s the passive yet not so passive years-you do more watching your honning your craft and thinking more about everything, the way you walk, the way you talk—your hygiene is gonna come in question and not to be vulgar but questions like “should my dick smell this way?!” “Should I buy different underwear” “maybe I should wash my hair like..” it’s kinda mundane but it’s the good kinda mundane! You’re smelling better and looking emaculate and you know why? Cause you’re about to walk into libra moon and meet yah boo so the story starts all over again. (Lastly it’ll be mercury again! Lucky he gets a double turn like Taurus)

Note: feel free to reference to decans as this still applies! So if your progressed sag moon is in the Aries decan read for sag and Aries moon! And so on!

[agrestenoir]

pin down my heart (1/3)

Pairing: Marinette/Chat Noir, Ladybug/Chat Noir Summary: Marinette Dupain-Cheng is not someone he ever thought he’d fall for. If love is meant for his life, he assumes Ladybug will be the one. Fate, however, has a funny way of working things out. Rating: K+

i.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng is not someone he ever thought he’d fall for. If love is meant for his life, he assumes Ladybug will be the one.

Fate, however, has a funny way of working things out.

ii.

It starts with a girl and a daring rescue because that’s how these stories always go.

However, Marinette isn’t someone he ever thought would need rescuing, but when there’s an akuma chasing his friend through the streets of Paris, there isn’t time to ponder all the ways he’s wrong. Saving civilians comes second nature to him after two years as one half of Paris’s famed superhero duo, so sweeping in with a kick and a flip to rescue a pretty lady is pretty commonplace. It doesn’t take much trouble but Marinette, on the other hand, likes to make sure that there is trouble.

“Put me down, you stupid cat,” she orders, pulling his arms which are wrapped around her waist as they soar onto the nearest rooftop.

Without breaking stride, he slings her onto his back to free both hands for battle and escape, dashing around chimneys and skylights, putting distance between them and the akuma. Meanwhile, Marinette is kicking against his torso, expletives mixed with his name falling from her lips, and he ignores it in favor of saving her life. He figures she’ll thank him someday.

When they finally reach a rooftop that he deems safe, he kneels until her feet touch the ground and whips around with a flourish, bowing low with a knowing smirk. “You are safe, my Princess, no need to thank—”

“Fuck you,” she snaps instead.

Chat Noir is quiet for a moment as he straightens up from his bow. “You know,” he says, pointing at her as an awkward settles around them. “That’s not what people usually say after I rescue them.”

Eyes flashing wildly under the mid-morning sunlight, Marinette crosses her arms against her chest. “I didn’t need rescuing,” she tells him. “I had everything under control—”

Chat Noir can only roll his eyes. “Of course you did, Princess.”

“—and stop calling me that,” she continues, “Don’t be an asshole.”

To say that Chat Noir is startled would be an understatement. “What’s your problem?” he asks and swings his baton over his shoulder, resting his arms on it in the picture-perfect image of contentment, but inside he’s flabbergasted. “Most people would thank the hero for coming to help them.”

“Like I told you, I didn’t need your help.” Marinette’s voice is frosty. “I was leading the akuma right to Ladybug, and now, because you’re so insistent on playing hero, we lost him, and it’s going to take even longer to finish the this fight.”

She turns on her heel towards the rooftop entrance on the other side of the building, eager to get away from him and back to business, but Chat Noir reaches out a hand to stop her, grabbing her wrist before she can even take three steps. “What do you mean ‘lead him to Ladybug’?”

“I told you. Ladybug was waiting for him. I was helping her draw him into a trap, and you interrupted it.” With lips pursed in a thin line, she dips into a sloppy mockery of a bow and fixes him with a steely-eyed glare. “So thank you, Chat Noir, for absolutely nothing.”

And before he can form a coherent response, she’s off running for the exit and leaving him in the dust with dozens of thoughts—and none that make sense.

It starts with a girl and a daring rescue, but it’s certainly not the beginning he thought of.

iii.

When he finally finds Ladybug in front of the Louvre, she looks tired and pissed, like he’s screwed up before they’ve even started, and even though they make quick work of the akuma, her mood hasn’t changed.

He’s not stupid. “You must’ve talked to Marinette,” he says as her Miraculous cure scours through the city, healing all the damage from the battle.

“I did.” Her eyes won’t meet his.

Chat Noir sighs to himself, holding his baton awkwardly at his side and tapped out a rhythm against his leg to channel his bubbling anxiety. “Look, I didn’t know she was working with you. I just thought I was saving her. We don’t normally include civilians in battle, so forgive me if I made a mistake, but I don’t think you should be mad—”

Ladybug shakes her head, holding up a hand to stop him. “You think I’m mad cause you saved her?”

He can only stare at her, unable to find the right words. What else is he supposed to take away from this?

“Then what are you mad about?” he asks because he’s desperate at this point.

“Nothing with you,” she tells him.

“That doesn’t help,” he says, cocking his head. There’s a few moments of silence between them, and it says so little and so much at the same time. “Look, I know your secrets are important to you, and I respect that, I understand that, but… Ladybug, you can’t hide everything. Sometimes, you’re gonna have to let me in, even for the little things, or else someone might get hurt.”

Ladybug’s gaze falls to the ground, so with a sigh, he places a steady hand on his partner’s shoulder and stares at her with a soft expression. “Marinette could have gotten hurt today with me interrupting your plan. If I had known, the least I could’ve done was protect her.”

“Marinette doesn’t need protecting,” she interjects, voice turning heated. “She can handle herself.”

Chat Noir laughs harder than he should. “I know, I know she can. She told me the same thing.” His words seem to calm her. “You guys are a lot alike, you know. You’re both so independent and insistent that you can handle things on your own, and that’s great, really… But sometimes you have to let others help.”

“I let you help,” she protests, grabbing his wrist in a tight hold. “You’re my partner. We’re a team.”

And Chat Noir is honest this time when he tells her, “I know we say that, but sometimes I’m not sure.”

Her Miraculous beeps, and her hands fly to her earrings in a panic. He only has enough time to flash her a small smile before climbing onto the edge of the rooftop and leaping off, bounding across the streets of Paris and back home.

He tries not to think of the dumbstruck expression on her face as he left.

iv.

Later, he goes to Marinette’s home.

He stands on the balcony, hovering above her skylight as the sun hangs low, and wonders how he could apologize for ruining her plans. Even if Ladybug had explained the situation and the akuma was dealt with, it doesn’t change the fact that Marinette had been genuinely upset with him due to his poor actions, even if his intentions were good, and having his friend upset due to something he did isn’t something he’s okay with—ever.

With a shaky hand, he wracks his knuckles against the glass pane of her skylight, hoping she’s still awake to answer. A few moments pass by unhindered as he sits under the soft twilight’s shadow as it burns away into night, waiting for some response from the girl inside. Eventually, there’s movement below and the window is propped open a few inches.

Blue eyes with dark circles peer up at him. Seventeen years hasn’t prepared him in the slightest for dealing with tears and people he’s hurt, and a part of him wants to run away, far enough that he’ll never be found and people will forget him, but he knows it’s not an option. Despite the puns Ladybug loves to throw around, he isn’t a scaredy-cat. The fact of the matter is that Marinette has been crying, and he has a pretty good idea that he’s to blame.

“I’m sorry,” is all he can offer right now, and he hopes that it’s enough.

There’s a short second of silence, the span of a single heartbeat, and then Marinette is pushing the window open fully and gesturing for him to join her. “Come on,” she said, her voice cracking slightly. “Might as well come in before it gets cold.”

The bitter October breeze pushes at his back, beckoning him off the balcony. “Okay,” he agrees and follows her inside.

Inside it’s pink and wholesome, cozy and warm, quaint and quiet—it’s everything he associates with Marinette and more. It’s familiar, exactly as he remembers from the first time he ever stepped foot in it when he was fifteen and naïve, and exactly as it’s always been whenever he stops by now for study groups and projects as Adrien Agreste, seventeen and still stupid.

A part of him wonders if he’ll ever change, or if he’ll remain wide-eyed and ignorant forever. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, that there’s some wisdom and truths that he lacks, but it still leaves him at a disadvantage. Because he’s not aware, he thinks as he turns to face Marinette—his friend who’s obviously been crying—someone can get hurt.

“I’m sorry,” he tells her, wishing he could figure out how saving someone has escalated into this. “I didn’t mean to mess up your plans. I just didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“No, no,” Marinette says, sitting in her chaise with her head in her hands. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know, and h-how could you?” Her shoulders are shaking. “No one told you.”

It’s his turn to shake his head as he sits down beside her. “You’re still not okay.”

“It’s not you,” she tells him, quick and sharp.

Chat Noir snorts and clips his baton to his side. “Funny, that’s the second time someone’s told me that today, and I’m not sure I believe you.”

Marinette finally raises her head, tears welling up in her eyes, and his heart comes to a thundering halt. “I-I’m hurting you now,” she says, and a single drop slips down her cheek, thick and slow like candlewax. “I’m s-sorry.”

Chat Noir panics, hands coming to grasp her shoulders and bringing her close to his chest before she has a chance to protest. With her head cradled in the crook of his neck, he buries his face in her hair and tries to take a few, steadying breathes, anything to calm his stuttering heart.

“No, you’re fine,” he tells her, again and again, until she believes it. “It’s not your fault.”

The words feel hollow on his lips.

Holding Marinette tight as she cries against him, he tries to understand, but he finds he can’t. What’s going on? he wants to ask her. What’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with Ladybug? What are you both upset? I just wanted to help, and neither of you will let me. From the shuddering breathes she’s letting out, harsh pants against his cool skin, he knows he won’t be getting an answer from his friend any time tonight.

The moon’s high in the sky when he finally leaves. Marinette has cried herself to sleep.

He still doesn’t understand.

v.

Secrets, Chat Noir knows, have a funny way of revealing themselves.

He just never expects what happens next.

TO BE CONTINUED

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: As Hard As Chinese Arithmetic

So far, this year has been a doozy, man. We had an insurrection at the Capital. Then a big-tittied, Goth Vampire, Amazon Mommy just triggered all of the interweb’s fetishes, male, female, and other. Then, a bunch of Reddit Sh*tposters broke Wall Street for the Lolz. It has been a f*cking ride, man. I’m just happy we made it to the end of the month because, f*ck, i need a breather. Plus, the first new film of the year, a proper theatrical flick, released in the multiplex, just dropped. Since we ain’t got vaccines for the Wuha and i hate society in general, i wasn’t about to brave the outside for it. Fortunately for me, Warner Brothers said f*ck it, and decided to release their entire 2021 film slate, same day as theaters, to HBOmax. The first flick out the gate with this rather comfy release strategy? The Little Things. From what I've seen, this cast is dope but I've heard mixed reviews. Curious to see which side of the discourse I'll land on. Either way, I'm watching this thing from the comfort of my couch and i kind of dig it.

The Good

Denzel Washington is, obviously, the best thing about this flick. Dude is always one of, if not the best, thing about whatever he's in and this is no different. Washington has been acting a real long time so this the of part he can play in his sleep. I think, though, that might have been a detriment because his Joe Deacon comes across as a little “samey.” I re-watched Virtuosity the other day and this character feels like the cat he played in that, which feels like the cat he played in Man on Fire, which feels like the cat he played in Equalizer. I'm not mad, mind you, Rampage Washington is one of my favorite things about Hollywood, but I think playing this character like that was a mistake. Still, it was fun to watch.

Rami Malik plays, like, a regular dude in this. His Jim Baxter is kind of the foil to Washington's more aggressive, more passionate Deke, and it's weird to see. Like, i get it, Rami wants avoid being typecast as the weirdo but, I mean, the weirdo is where it's at, you know? If the character is well written and there's room to really dig in with an eclectic performance, why not go weird? Malek sure has the face for it.

Jared Leto just plays himself. The character he's supposed to be portraying is named Albert Sprama but this is just regular ass, crazy ass, cult leader ass Jared Leto. It's not a bad performance but you can tell Leto isn't really trying to be anything but who he is in this.

The atmosphere in this thing is palpable. I respect that. Neo-Noirs and thrillers like this need that. They need to feel seedy, gritty, dirty. For all of it's faults, The Little Things definitely nails that. It ain't Nineties grunge but it does a pretty good job of emulating that kind of energy, even if it's really just a facsimile and not the genuine article.

Listen, this is a gorgeous film. The cinematography and scene composition are top notch. As far as a visual piece of media, it really does deliver. There's this sordid, grimy, feel to the presentation that really mimics David Fincher's early work. I'm a fan of Fincher's so I noticed the similarities immediately but, as much reverence as this content has for his work, David Fincher  this ain't.

This thing is beautifully directed. I might have my issues with the film as a whole, but John Lee Hancock put his best foot forward trying to visually craft this narrative, for sure. It's a little awkward seeing dude forge this type of story considering his more, lighthearted entries into the Hollywood collective, but he approaches it with the same flair and professionalism as he does those films, too.

The Bad

Look, I love the principals of this cast. They are all great actors Individually Together, there's no real chemistry, especially between Malik and Washington. I think that's more because of the lacking script more than anything. A lot of this movie feels like it's adequacy relies too heavily on it's lead's abilities rather than a solid script or screenplay. That's a shame because a crime thriller starring Denzel Washington and Rami Malik chasing after Jared Leto sounds like a swell f*cking times.

So this thing is a period piece. It's supposed to take place in the Nineties and, as a cat who grew up during that time, this definitely doesn't feel like them. Sure, there's little nods and everything to it like music choices and certain set dressings but, overall, this doesn't scream Super Grunge, Extreme Radical to me. Which, we all know, is exactly what the Nineties absolutely were.

There is a distinct, Fincher-esque, energy to this film but it fails miserably properly capturing it. Like, This movie is trying WAY too hard to be Se7en. I understand why it would, that film is a masterpiece but one shouldn't wear your inspirations so nakedly. Makes it way too easy to draw the obvious comparison and your entry will always be left wanting. It's weird to think that Hancock thought he could do that considering his catalog of film. Nothing about The Blindside or Saving Mr. Banks gives me confidence that he can adequately pull off something as macabre as Se7en and  it really seems dubious to me that he tried.

The strength of Se7en started with what was on the page. Fincher crafted this diabolical, challenging, degenerate narrative and had the perfect cast to bring it to life. The Little Things has the ambition to pull that same thing off but the script is way too weak for that. Hancock can't write this stuff, man. Indeed, it really feels like he watched Se7en, thought up a twist, and wrote from there. Basically, he wrote this screenplay the same way Stephanie Meyer wrote Twilight and we all see how well that turned out. If you don't have a story to tell, don't make a movie. Nothing great start with just a gimmick unless you're selling toys and that only works because kids are idiots.

Bro, what is this dialogue??

This movie is long, man. Long and barren. One could say that it is actually really boring at parts. Now, I'm not saying that, I'm a fan of the slow burn, bu this was even taxing my nerves. I think, though, that a better script could have goes a long way to alleviating that. The fact that I didn't give a sh*t about anything going on with these characters really made it hard to stay engaged.

The Verdict

The Little Thing is a January movie and it's weird to get one of those in this, new Pandemic age. More than anything, it's a disappointment, especially coming of excellent January releases these past few years like Underwater, The Nightingale, and Paddington 2. This film does not come close to the quality of those and it's real deflating. I wanted to this movie to be excellent. There are a few individual components that actually are. Great lead performances, outstanding direction, beautiful camera work but the core of this movie is lacking. The screenplay is a complete letdown which is the most f*cked up aspect of this this whole situation. Apparently, Hancock wrote the first draft of this flick in Ninety-three and this is the best we got. This is the version that made the screen. F*cking trash, man. The Little Things isn't a terrible film, not at all, but it's not good either. It is an incredibly mundane and pedestrian attempt at trying to copy Se7en but it never reaches those heights. You've seen this movie before done much, much, better. If this thing as shorter, I could recommend it might higher but this whole ass, two-hour run time is a bit much. If you have HBOmax and time to kill, its a decent watch, just don't expect too much from it. If you want this to be your grand return to the cinema, pass on that. It's not worth the ticket price.

[baneismydragon]

Not Always Easy to Identify

Hey all!!!!!

Sorry I have been so quiet lately, I am trying my best to get more things done to share with you all! 

In the meantime here is a short story I did as a gift for the wonderful and amazingly talented @twindoodle!

This is set in her “Chloe can’t keep her identity a secret” comic universe which if you don’t know I HIGHLY recommend checking it out, its adorable and hillarious! Anyways- enjoy! 

Somehow Nathaniel wasn’t surprised that he was on his way back from the nurse's office when the akuma attacked.

It seemed to be his fate these days to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

He wondered, not for the first time, why their school hadn’t instituted some sort of akuma evacuation procedure given the frequency with which they seemed to get attacked?

He pressed himself against the lockers, figuring it was easier to simply wait out the panicked hordes of students legitimately afraid of crossing the akumas path, as well as the few more opportunistic ones (lead by Kim) who were simply looking to take advantage of the excuse to get out of class.

He almost got bowled over by a determined looking Marinette, who barreled through the halls shouting something about her responsibilities to her fellow students as class president. She was almost immediately followed by a frantic looking Adrien, muttering something about ‘hoping she wasn’t already on the scene’, and seeming hell bent on chasing after her. Nathaniel wondered if he had finally joined most of the rest of the class in realizing that he had a crush on their pretty, if somewhat scattered, classmate. He begrudgingly had to admit that they would make a cute couple.

His musings were interrupted by Alya running down the halls at full speed, no doubt anxious to get more footage for the ladyblog.

Just as he thought the chaos had died down enough to safely navigate back to the classroom to retrieve his sketchbook, he heard an excited high pitched squeal from only a few feet away.

Oh no.

“Alright! You have totally got this Chloe! Time to show what you are made of!” she said, obviously trying to psych herself up.

Nathaniel closed his eyes, trying to rationalize once again that this wasn’t his problem. He should just walk away. Maybe go work on some sketches in the park while the weather was nice.

“You are a beautiful talented heroine-”

It wasn’t like he would be doing anything wrong.

“-you are going to earn Ladybug’s trust and respect-”

Just one foot in front of the other…

“You are Chloe Bourgeois! You can do this!”

Nathaniel sighed, scrunching his nose in annoyance, knowing that he was fighting a losing argument with himself.

“Alright Pollen, mrrrrrrrrpppphhhh-”

Her words were cut off as Nathaniel clamped a hand over her mouth and began dragging a now irate Chloe down the halls towards a less crowded part of the building.

“What do you think you are doing!�� Chloe spat when he finally released her outside of the arts and humanities wing.

“I don’t know, maybe stopping you from messing everything up, again!”

“Messing…? I am a heroine! I fight against the forces of evil, thank you very much! I should be out there with Ladybug, but instead I am stuck here getting manhandled by Vincent Van Goth.”

“Seriously? Goth?” Nathaniel drawled, glancing down at his outfit of jeans, tee shirt and jacket, before meeting her gaze again with a raised eyebrow.

“Fine, E-MOnet. Except unlike him, you don’t make an impression.”

Nathaniel glared at her but had to admit that her pun filled banter was actually sort of clever. Clearly she had been spending some time with Chat Noir.

“I swear, I should just put you on a leash,” Nathaniel muttered, rubbing wearily at his temples.

“Oh my god have you turned evil?” Chloe gasped, taking a step away from him, “are you in league with Hawkmoth again? Is this because you are still mad that you can’t get Marinette to give you the time of day? Because honestly you really should just give it up, she is never gonna look at you as long as she continues to delude herself that she has a shot with Adrikins. And I don’t even think the forces of darkness are gonna change her mind.”

“I am not in league with Hawkmoth,” Nathaniel groaned, “I am trying to help you, god only knows why.”

“Oh. Cool,” Chloe said giving him a genuine smile that made him do a quick double take as his stomach gave an odd sort of lurch.

“Wait,” she said, her smile faltering, “if you are helping me why did you drag me away from the akuma?”

“Chloe,” Nathaniel sighed through clenched teeth, “how many times do I have to tell you that you need to be more careful about your secret identity?”

“I thought that was your job now.”

“Why on earth would it be my job?”

“Because you said you would keep my secret,” Chloe replied her head tilting slightly and her lips pursing into a concerned pout.

“Yes keep it! Not help you keep in from everyone else!”

“Well why not? I mean I am a superhero, you could be my totally awesome assistant. And hey, if you work really hard at it, someday you can be a superhero too!”

“You can make me a superhero?” Nathaniel asked, trying to repress the small thrill he got at the idea of living out his boyhood dream.

“Well no, I just sort of assumed that’s how it would work. I don’t actually know who’s in charge of handing out magical hero jewelry.”

“Oh,” Nathaniel said, hoping he didn’t sound too disappointed.

“Of course it would be hard to find something that wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb in that tomato monstrosity you call your hair. You would need a ring, or something, like Chat. Or maybe a nice brooch. That would work with your whole tortured artist aesthetic.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome!” Chloe grinned oblivious to his sarcasm. “Still, working as my assistant certainly can’t hurt your chances, can it?”

“Chloe?”

“Yes?”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

She gave him an owlish blink.

“The Akuma?”

“Oh right! Pollen-”

“Chloe!”

“What?!”

“Get in the closet!”